Scary stuff

i'm a fraud

I'm a big fat fraud! My Chanel bag: FAKE. Fake as Victoria Beckham's boobs. It's worth nothing more than some crusty old bread. I could have just made my own!!

I feel like a fool. I knew I wanted a special bag for my 18th, and it was very kind and expensive for my mom, who wanted to give me something I could treasure. I browsed loads of sights that gave the look out signs and got really clued up. I knew I wanted a white one and found the perfect size and style in an auction stating '100% authentic, I got it at a vintage fair.' When I got it I just assumed it was a bit worn because it was real vintage and went on my way, wearing it with pride.

It's been a few weeks and I started to get suspicious. It only fit my purse and a mascara and pen inside as the lining provided only a small space. It didn't have a serial number so in the back of my mind I always knew I couldn't guarantee its authenticity, but it looked real and that was the point right? Well to the educated eye it SCREAMS fake! The logo, i.e. the most significant thing, is so wrong. I've highlighted all the problems so I can campaign to get my money back. I'm not a total idiot, most of the faults have been exposed now that I've used it a few times and the lining pocket has come totally unstuck and removable and since I've done some hardcore research on fakes.

The right C should overlap the left C at the top, and the screw should be in the top left corner. It's upside down! Chanel destroys any bag that's not perfect.

The orange shows glue that must have stuck the lining and has now worn off. A real bag would be secure and probably stitched?

The label doesn't match the bag, there is no copyright 'r' sign and the stitching is wonky.

The zip cover is plain leather, it should be embossed with the logo.

Now the lining has been removed the way the logo was attached is obvious and sloppy.

The zip for the inside pocket is normal and cheap.

The loose lining has revealed poor stitching.

Surely the lining would be secure and not just glued along the top?

I'm really upset. The bag was probably made in some cheap sweat shop in china by little children and the seller was just out to make a cheap buck. What a con. I know 99.9% of bags on ebay are most likely fake, but my instincts and initial opinion of the bag were completely fine. I thought the fake auctions would be really obvious, and this one seemed a genuine and honest sale. I'm so stupid! Do I keep the bag and still use it? How can I go back to normal bags now I've tasted (or thought I tasted) the lavish pleasure of a designer bag? How silly could I be!!


blancmange

My scary stuff archive of this blog is surprisingly full seems as i always forget to archive. Probably because many many things here are shocking. So shocking I have to tell someone and stream my horror. Sadly I doubt my friends are interested in that Prada woolly sack so hello kind people of the blogging world!

Since getting this laptop I've changed my sleeping patterns from 5am until about 4pm. Blame satc videos and fashvids.com. This is handy over the summer as I only really plan to go out at night to clubs and so on, and then for festivals as nothing happens before 2pm. So I just arose and rang college to question my missing ema, turning out stupid further maths didn't register, and then proceeded to go through the looong lists of daily blogs I check, which is basically every one out there!

On catwalk queen I got to some pics of the Princess Diana concert, which you will all know about as it was all over BBC and Americans seem to love the royal family. I glanced at the pictures and let out a little scream of horror, followed by many 'nooooo's and 'gahhh!'s. Nelly Furtado wore this:

This is not good. In my massive archives of a/w07 pics I made a folder for my absolute favourites and crowned the exact dress in a gorgeous creamy colour as 'stellamccartneyTHEPERFECTDRESS' Because yes, it is THE perfect dress. For me at least. You may ask why, as it's not amazingly spesh, but it is my perfect shape and colour for me. It could be lavish or casual. It's something I would totally snap up because it's wardrobe potential for me is out the roof! I have nine dresses that shape! nine! It's practically the only type of dress I wear out.

Maybe Nelly saw Chloe Sevigny in Luella and thought 'hey, puffy hot pink totally rawks!!' Well no Nelly it doesn't, at least not on you! It's way too long and swamping. You ruined my dreams. I hope you're happy!


put it out

Tonight I'm actually going to a club night dedicated to the last night of smoking freedom in england, complete with free fag give aways. It would be FAB to not come home with your hair and clothes stinking, as I've just had to wash everything I took out last night, even the stuff I put in a bag in the cloakroom.

Maybe it will make the non smoking policy on buses more strict because there's nothing more rude than doing it on a confined, hot bus. One time a lady on my bus asked a boy at the back politely to put out his cigarette and he replied 'shut up, you slag.' It ended up in a huge fight with her asking him if he was illiterate and stupid, and he was like 'yeah, I can't read' and all his friends were just laughing. Then she got really mad and told him that everyone thinks he's scum and he'll never amount to anything, which was pretty strong because he was asian.

As a non smoker I don't mind the ban at all, although I'll probably be made or guilted into going outside with my friends when they light up. It tastes and smells disgusting so don't see the attraction, I think it's more force of habit. But initially starting is just to look cool or fit in; even my 15 year old sister has been caught, but she is pretty stupid. Plus it's nice to have an addiction.

In terms of health it's horrible to think of the thousands of fags my friends have had, so you cannot complain that it isn't fair. If you but a 20 pack every day that's like over £1600 a year!? I don't see how people purposely do something that's harmful. What do you think? And if you live in a non smoking place how did people cope?


Festival survival

I mention festivals quite alot, as they are the highlight of my YEAR, let alone the summer!! I got a lovely email (hi jane!) asking for festival advice and what to take/wear/etc. There are loads of guides in magazines with the boring hippy smock top and denim shorts ensemble, which is so not what to wear. You can wear basically anything. I always take my favourite sparkly dresses. Just obviously don't wear heels. And if rain is on the forcast just give up all hope. You will drown without wellies. If it rains this year I will consider selling my tickets, because it puts a damper on the day, unless you don't let it. Be prepared to fight for fun and have a good time anyway.

Taking everything under the sun is not needed. You don't even need very much money, the only things to buy is food and rubbish band tshirts for £30. Alcohol if the heaviest thing you will take, so set off early so you have time to go into the nearest town and buy it then; plus there are usually huge vans at road sides selling cheap crates. Don't take snack food like crisps/fruit. You'll want decent meals as you can't snack for 4 days straight. Save money to buy some cheap van take aways, and take sandwich boxes full of pasta, cous cous and salads. Get some disposable bbqs from pound shops and cook sausages and burger- just don't poison yourself! The medical tents are helpful.

Ration your stuff! It's a big rule if you're dependant on booze/drugs (hey, no judgement here!) On the last day even the bands are asking the crowd for backy, and dealers go round selling £10 teeny splifs. Take your own, or the stuff you buy could be dodgy. Never accept anything off anyone, whether it be even food. People do get assaulted.

Don't think it's going to be a dangerous drug fest! It depends on the festival. V festival is not so stundenty, there are older people there, and you can't have fires, so it's less crazy. Reading on the first night is off the hook as everyone is full of everything. It's not a scary place. Everyone just wants a good festival and 99% of people are clean hippys and not about to mug or kill you. But you need to keep your wits about you. Last year at reading our neighbours used to shoot up outside their tents at 10am. If your looking for trouble them you'll find it, but most just dance around a camp fire and appreciate the music.

It's a myth that you'll be best friends with your neighbours and make loads of new life friends. Older festivals are friendly, but most like reading are full of people who come in groups. Girls don't want any other girls coming into their group of friends. If you make an effort you will make friends, but it's not automatic. Also, people are mean with their stuff, and will NOT lend you tent pegs!

Go to sleep late so you wake up late, as there's nothing to do until about 2pm when the bands start, and even then they're not the great bands. You can't take alcohol into arenas, so put it down the back of your dress or in your shorts. Take fold up chairs, as at night you don't want to sit on the floor, or just steal some! Take a blow up bed as it's not nice sleeping on stones or on a slope. Keep your suitcase in order or when you start to sling in dirty clothes and muck everything up you won't feel any nicer. I've never had a shower at a festival, just had alot of bowl washes and used many baby wipes (which will be your savoir!!!), but I've heard showers at 5am are the best. TAKE TOILET ROLL! Most festivals have portaloos, but reading was basically wooden cubicles on top of a huge box with holes in. If you don't like gross thing skip a few lines now, but at reading when you looked down the toilet hole you were basically looking into a huge box of everyones everything. And it rose over the weekend...

Princess Lou was fanatic about these Urinelle things that oxfam gave out, which were basically cardboard funnels so girls could go to the loo behind their tent, or just not have to sit on the yucky loo seat. Don't piss off your neighbours. Last year Lou was extremely allergic to the fire fumes, so we kindly asked our neighbours if they could move their fires, and keep them to a minimum. They had them right outside our tent at 9am. WHY do you need a fires at 9am??!! We had alot of fights and in the end sought revenge is a way that we will take to the grave!!

I took a big plastic bowl and washed my hair twice with a cup and water. Leaving it to dry was a pain as it made me freezing but it was worth feeling that bit better. At night after the bands, and on the first night, there are discos (how retro) and films in the tents, so don't think the fun has stopped. The mosh pits are not as hardcore as they look. If you are emo you will die. At download they had a rampage of metal heads shouting 'kill the emos' looking for some to beat up. Also there are food fights from one end of the campsite to the other. Talk to hot guys, you will never see them again, you have nothing to loose. TAKE SUNSCREEN! Lock your tent and suitcases. I know you can just slash a tent open, but someone is more likely to go to the average tent than one with locks. If you make friends with your neighbours they can watch your tent when you're away.

Get a cool tent. Lou had a paint your own one, and we spotted loads over the weekend. Most of all just get drunk, have fun and go with it. It's better when you just sling a few things into a suitcase and go, than fret about everything and try to feel fresh!


Exam etiquette

in memory of Selina, who exploded from revision stress*

1) Never make eye contact with invigilators. They may all be 85, but any look is an invitation for an excited dance and an 'oooooo, not long now!!!' comment. Why are they so happy?!?! 1500 students do not take pleasure in a 3 hour general studies exam.

2) Thank god if you end up on the back row. This could be the only time that all the hot guys (sadly none in MY college) are in the same room. Surveying pleasure. Being at the from sucks; see rule 1.

3) Look as bored as possible.

4) Stop sniffing. Just stop. Seriously STOP. There is NOTHING more annoying. Apart from maybe breathing loudly. Stop that too.

5) It's ok to sit there for a while and ponder. Just because eeeeeveryone else has already written five pages does not mean it's five pages of the right thing. Take your tiiiiiiime**

6) Avoid the people who barrage you with questions about what you wrote, and then tell you what they wrote, and so you realise you wrote something totally different and have now blatantly failed.

7) Don't write poems on your papers (hahaha Melissio!)

8) Don't cheat. The boys grammar school next door is known for them sticking revision notes in the toilets. Why bother?! Get what you deserve; if you need to pass that badly then revise!!

9) Telepathy will not work.

10) And not even pro plus can save you now.

*Selina was resurrected to write this post
**Selina is not responsible if you fail


make-up your mind

It's been all over the news that there is new research showing old make-up is a serious health risk. People are unaware that using and sharing cosmetics spread bacteria and infections, as most makeup is past it's sell by date. I had no idea make-up had a sell by date?? You realise that passing around an eyeliner is a bit grotty, but things like mascara, foundation and cleanser are only meant to be kept for just over 3 months.

I went to my makeup box and realised there are things that have been around for a looong while. Everyday stuff like eyeliner and mascara have to be renewed every few months anyway, but a lot of stuff that I only use every once in a while, like different eye shadows and glittery liners, have been there for ages. It may be unhygienic, but if you haven't used it a lot, and can't afford to throw a whole pencil away when you've only used it twice, is it still ok?

I think the ultimate result of special makeup is to gain as much as possible. You want a huge collection of fab eye shadows to match outfits and moods, and if you had to throw everything away each year, as recommended, it would break my heart! And good makeup is so expensive. My favourite cosmetic is the stuff on the left, as it's a glitter liquid eyeliner that's actually noticeable! It's not a faint shimmery line; it's actual glitter that stands out a mile. And the brush is really thin, so you can draw an accurate line above your lashes. What are your favourites?


disaster

My computer is old and used and prone to strange happenings. Currently my screen looks like this:

Who knows why. I've tried to adjust the screen settings and all that jazz but nothing works. Yesterday I hit it in frustration and it popped back into place, but today no amount of bashing works. I have to keep shifting around pages to stop them going all curly and smooshed, and typing this post is seriously hard! It won't let me read comments or go on hotmail, or read other blogs, either so I can't reply until tomorrow in college!!! Also, me and Meleesa went on a secret expedition on Saturday and have some marvy pictures. It will have to wait until tomorrow too. Damn you technology!!